Disease

Is not that I don’t want to be with her, so I can help with the heavy load, is my anger towards her lightness of her situation, yes it infuriate me, the peace how she is handling all this…
I would be crying, being mad with the world, and asking why me and why now? but not her , she doesn’t even want to ask for a little company , not even over the phone.
I always wonder how people that goes to this process had the strength to suffer with a smile in their faces and in their hearts, my first reaction was numbness and then sadness and at the end totally madness, because I always consider myself a strong person in anyway possible, and this was not happening directly to me so why I can not handle it?, why is so hard to grab the bull by the horns, that is my slogan for my problems or obstacles in life, head on, and this was a low and soft blow I could not handle…
I was reading last night one book, and this stayed with me even in my dreams, “we come to earth to be happy and feel and give love”, how can we expect to learn and accept happy when horrible things happened in the world and to our love ones?, so hard, isn’t life a bitch.
I just want to learn to handle this that is happening in me , anger is in me right now, and anger towards her, I know is wrong but that is the way im feeling , hopefully I can cope with this like everybody that goes through this do. I just want to smile and breath without pain.

Still

I have been going crazy, lets say it better in a crazy path of nothing! It so hard to see the real “path”, or walkway if you want to call it that, is so dark ,but not dark enough to loose my self in it. Is like been on the beach strand you can feel the cement on you feet, hear the waves of the ocean, and smell that salty fresh smell, and there it is that thick and cold cloud just when you try to see the waves and the path in front of you and is not completely dark is that time of the day when the sun already set but you see all grayish, like I said not dark enough, but still make my sight blind in a way, feel the cold of the breeze, I was ok a moment ago, now that panic inside me staring to come out , I have goose bumps , but I realize in a second is not the cold weather , starts from the tips of my fingers and my toes , and my stomach start to feel heavy, like a just been punch on it. OHHH come on what the hell is going on with me? I was ok a minute ago , to many feelings at the same time, why a can’t see what my bright path is , so I can get out of this dark cloud around me?, I want to but I can’t move …. So hard is easy just to let my body endure this crazy feeling, it doesn’t hurt is just a empty cold feeling, but would I get out of this when I want to or I would grow with the time with no more feelings in me, like nice feelings or feeling at all? should I fight what I believe I’ve learn from my love ones to fight to stay happy?, or just let it be, I can’t say is giving up, is just that I’m tired I just want to rest for a few minutes, or hours, days ..Not sure, I just want to let this cold and still feeling carry me for a while, like I once said, go we the flow, not pushing it in the opposite way, just let it be, easy I can breathe without hurting, let the moist in the air breath for me, let the sound of the waves carry me to my destiny, let the gray light be my heart, I just want to pause for a moment, just the exact time I need to recharge and.. don’t want to think anymore.

Somos Necios!

Que necios y ciegos son los hombres, bueno hablando de aquellos que andan buscando a la mujer perfecta en medidas de cintura y senos, y no se dan cuenta que en rimer lugar eso es superficial y para muchas se acaba con el pasar del tiempo.
Porque ven a estas mujeres interesantes, y digo VEN porque no toman el tiempo para conversar con ellas, no saben que valores tienen, que es lo que quieren en la vida, o por lo menos si saben que es lo que se ven hacer en un futuro...
No digo que no hay mujeres que tienen toda las cualidades por fuera y por adentro (inteligencia y sentimientos), son escasas, pero hay hombres que veo que son buenos y se topan con mujeres que no quieren nada enserio o formal mejor dicho, no estan preparadas y es entendible, asi que es el que quiere algo enserio el que debe d ser el maduro en eso , o el inteligente y no dejarse ir por el momento de juventud o torpeza como dijera yo.
Tambien vemos a las mujeres buenas que se topan con hombres desgraciados que abusan mentalmente y fisicamente de ellas, y se van y regresan es el circulo vicioso hasta que terminan locas, muertas o en la carcel... Triste.
Otras son unas cabronas que no piensan en que destruyen la vida de buenos hombres, solo les interesa cuanto dinero tienen, que carro manejan, que beneficio sacan de esa relacion, exprimen al susodicho y si se les presentan otra oportunidad mejor dejan al hombre como un pedazo de envoltorio usado y ya. They move on..
Esta la otra mujer y es cierto es la otra, la que se mete con el casado, no tiene escrupulos, ni valores , ni nada, no tiene nada que perder solo ganar, le saca al hombre casa, carro y se deja embarazar para poder sacarle mas, cria a los hijos para poderle sacar al padre mas cosas $$$.
Esta el hombre que ama a su esposa , pero TIENE que tener mas mujeres por todos lados, bueno tiene el dinero y la fama para poder mantener mas de una y porque no pues, eso es un macho., Mas no sabe que todas lo enganan con el jardinero....
Al final de todo son pocas las parejas que estan juntas por las razones correctas, y la mayoria de las relaciones son una mentira y lo hacemos para poder jodernos uno al otro y crear un mundo de pura hipocrecia.
Somos necios, y no queremos entender lo basico de la vida con respecto a relaciones.